I used to want to be a pop-star really bad, but my life didn’t turn out that way… thankfully. I realize now that I would have turned out like Lyndsay Lohan… a train wreck. Also, I didn’t like the superficial messages in my own songs, the songs I wrote and recorded! I was trying to be what I thought other people wanted.
At some point I realized I wasn’t happy, and that I didn’t even know who I was or what I really wanted from life. Figuring out who I am became my main objective. I tried many things, often embarrassing things, and I failed a lot.
In my mind each failure was the end of the world. I thought the terrible troll comments on my Youtube videos, for example, represented the feelings of basically everyone, but it was just the biased angry ramblings of some sexually frustrated a**holes. I just couldn’t see it at the time because the comments supported my own negative view of myself. I would think things like “since nobody watched my video it must suck,” but how would people know it sucks if they haven’t watched it? Now that’s a cup-half-empty mentality.
The truth is, some people hated them, but some people loved them. I eventually found out that some people got something really positive from the things I’ve done; music, comedy, writing, etc… They laughed, learnt, were inspired. My negative perception of reality and my self-hate was what was keeping me from everything I wanted in life. Every other obstacle was an illusion (yes… even money and connections.) Once you have faith in yourself nothing will stop you. I realized I needed to work on what was going on inside my head before I attempted any other project. So I did.
I started meditating. One at a time I got rid of the negative people in my life. I spent a lot of time on my own reprogramming my subconscious. Eventually, once I became a different person, I made new, positive friends to match my new personality, beliefs and values. I started living for myself rather than to please other people. It was when I finally began to love and respect myself, flaws and all, and let go of the past, that I started to thrive. I re-created myself in my mind and now I’m re-creating myself in the world. I’m becoming the best version of myself, and the best version of myself is someone who’s mission is to help other people using the knowledge I’ve acquired over years of research, and brutal experience.